Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

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Private Eye number crunch

In Jokes,Politics,Private Eye offcuts on Friday 29th August, 2014 by Guy Tagged: ,

Will this blog just become an online repository for Private Eye snippets? That’s the best we can hope for.

From Issue 1372:

NUMBER CRUNCHING

1,867¬†Deaths in current Israeli-Palestinian war in which Qatar, which funds Hamas, has urged the international community ‘to assume its moral and humanitarian responsibilities’

1,200 Estimated deaths of foreign construction workers for 2022 World Cup which Qatar bribed its way to win in order to improve its image abroad

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What’s news? A joke.

In Jokes,Media,Random fun stuff on Wednesday 21st March, 2007 by Guy

Courtesy of Newsnight‘s daily newsletter, itself on this occasion courtesy of Gavin Esler, who may or may not be a Jew, the following joke. Wait for the pips… Now:

Red tarmac and black tarmac go swaggering into a pub, plonk themselves down at the bar, order some drinks and start boasting about how tough they are.

“I can take on anyone in here!” announces the red tarmac. The black tarmac hoists himself up on the bar and bellows, “Bring it on! I’ll take you all on at once!” Just as the bartender is about to tell them to knock it off, green tarmac comes through the doors, and red and black tarmac turn and run for the men’s room, where they cower until green tarmac has drunk up and left.

Seeing them skulk back to the bar, the bar tender asks them what’s up – surely green tarmac is no match for such tough guys as them? “Are you joking?” they reply, “Don’t mess with him, he’s a cycle-path!”

Geddit? Giggety-geddit? Well, I thought it was droll.

This, keep in mind, is from the BBC’s flagship news programme. All hail the Esler!